After completing a 12-week palliative care programme at Roxburghe House, I’ve had time to reflect on some of the golden nuggets that emerged — life lessons, if you will. That term, “golden nuggets,” always came from Barbara, one of the brilliant ladies in our group.
And this one stuck with me the most:
You may not be in control of your diagnosis, but you can direct how you respond to it.
When You’re Ill, Energy Becomes Your Most Precious Currency
People often aspire to be empowered, strong and mighty, especially in the face of illness. But when you’re living with a chronic or terminal condition, those qualities can feel like distant dreams.
Energy is spent quickly. And unlike real currency, there’s no overdraft, credit card, or loan to pull from. When your tank is empty, it’s really empty.
That’s why pacing, rest, and managing fatigue are essential , and yet, there’s another tool that often gets overlooked:
Delegation.
Let Go of Guilt, Not of Control
I know, I know. Delegating sounds easy in theory but hard in practice.
Especially if you’re someone like me who liked to do things solo in your “before life” — when independence gave you a sense of oomph, satisfaction, and self-worth.
But when my health declined in a big way last year, I had to start thinking differently. And yes, it was an emotional shift. Guilt. Frustration. Shame. Embarrassment. Loss of identity and lack of purpose. I felt them all.
But here’s the truth: You can still be in charge—just in a different way.
My occupational therapist once said something that changed my mindset:
“You’re not giving up control. You’re becoming the Director of your ship.”
And every good Director knows: You can’t do it all alone. You have to choose what scenes to focus on, what moments to rest, and who can help bring your vision to life.
Delegating is a Tool, Not a Weakness
When you delegate, you’re not being lazy. You’re being wise. You’re protecting your precious energy for the things that really matter.
And most people? They’re more than happy to help — if you let them.
Whether it’s family, friends, neighbours, or even local charities and community groups, there are people and resources out there. You just have to be brave enough to ask
A Word to the Overthinkers
If you’re constantly battling between “I should be able to do this” and “I really can’t right now”—I see you.
Some days, asking for help is the strong choice.
Some days, resting is the productive thing to do.
Some days, directing looks like doing nothing at all.
Take the Director’s Seat
Whether it’s asking a friend to drive you to an appointment or help you tidy your home, letting your mum pick up your prescription, or accepting support from local palliative care, these are not failures. These are directorial decisions.
Because you do get a say in how your story unfolds, and while you may not be able to rewrite the diagnosis, you can choose how you direct the day-to-day.
Lungevity 