If you’ve read any of my other articles, you might find this one confronting. And that’s okay. Anything that suggests healing or “getting better” can sometimes trigger a tidal wave of scepticism — especially when you’ve lost hope, feel apathetic, or are deeply traumatised and numb.
I get it.
Last year, I didn’t want to live anymore.
The exhaustion of battling for life — year after year — left me utterly depleted. It’s not just an average level of depression (which in itself is a leading cause of early death.)
It’s an all-consuming, all-raging blackness that sits inside you. One that leads to complete shutdown, inertia and paralysis.
Within my psyche, I felt a tornado of fear, anger, sadness and bitterness. My faith would be fractured too. I didn’t know what to believe anymore.
What happens when you can no longer see a future?
When you’re tethered to an oxygen concentrator 24/7?
When breathing, moving, and simply being, become battles?
What happens now that every single desire was stripped away from my universe? The one where I could continue on in my successful freelancing career; travel; meet my loving partner; celebrate life with family and friends, build a beautiful home; practice yoga; continue learning and winning in life with rich experiences.
All of that changed overnight.
Chronic Illness as a Spiritual Initiation
Chronic illness often arrives like a storm — uninvited, unexpected, and life-altering. But for many, it becomes more than just a medical journey. It becomes a spiritual initiation. A sacred unfolding.
In the silence of pain, in the stillness of fatigue, in the breathlessness of each moment — something deeper begins to stir.
When the outer world narrows, the inner world opens.
And this is where the mystics and wise healers have always looked: not to the outer world, but to the inner depths.
The Path No One Chooses
No one asks for illness. And yet, across traditions — from Rumi to the Tao Te Ching to indigenous healing lineages — we find a profound understanding: suffering, while never glorified, is often the doorway to awakening.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
Rumi
Chronic illness can strip away identities.
Careers, roles, social lives — all fall away. What remains is a soul laid bare. This unravelling can feel like grief, like loss, like madness. But in many spiritual traditions, this very undoing is what clears the path to truth.
It is here, in the darkness, that one begins to listens, not to the noise of the world, but to the whispers of the divine.
Rerouting
Life is rarely linear. Over time, and with support, I slowly recalibrated.
First the basics: with nourishment, sleep, exercise and self- love with tiny bits of strength returning. Second – I leaned on my medical support team [Palliative care, physical therapy, psychologist, general practitioner, main consultant, oxygen specialist and so on.]
I also reached for what I knew would heal me: books, podcasts, and YouTube teachings. There is wisdom everywhere if you’re ready to listen.
I restored my connection to spirituality — especially Buddhism — and began rebuilding my inner world.
Leaning on the law of impermanence and gratitude often helps me out too. Suffering may show its ugly face one too many times, but it’s never permanent.
There is a vast amount of videos and resources that can help you get back on track and restore your healing, but most importantly, your own wisdom trumps all.
The Trifeca: What Illness Teaches You
With time, chronic illness can shift your perception. You may begin to see:
- Stillness as sacred
- Simplicity as beautiful
- Presence as powerful
Even when your body is frail, your spirit can become strong.
A single flower in bloom. A warm cup of tea. A shared laugh. A deep conversation. These small things become luminous.
You may also find a deeper self. One not defined by productivity or performance, but by awareness, compassion, and resilience.
You may begin to meet yourself anew — not through what you achieve, but through how you feel, forgive, and simply are.
I’ve learned that the dreams I thought were gone aren’t dead. They’re simply different now. And my spirit is infinite.
Letting Go of The Outcome
Whether or not I receive a transplant, I understand how to be in the now. The yearning is still there, but it doesn’t define me.
As my sister gently reminds me: don’t future-freak.
Nobody knows the future. It’s always shifting — in medicine, in science, in miracles.
There’s always reason to hope.
If you are navigating chronic illness, know this:
You are not broken.
You are being initiated — not by choice, but by sacred fire.
Let your soul be your companion.
Let ancient wisdom guide your steps.
Let your symptoms become sacred signposts.
And above all, let yourself:
Grieve. Rest. Rage. Weep. Laugh. Awaken.
In your own time.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
Khalil Gibran
Lungevity 